Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** I Totally Agree!!
" religion is NOT an excuse to discriminate against others based on their identities. A supernatural belief system is not a license to exclude, abuse, or discriminate" Should honestly send ^^^ to my mom... 7:59 pm - Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011 *********************************************************************************** Woot woot!! :)
It was good...I had a good time...we bummed around the city...she was hungry so she payed for us to eat (first time at Olive Garden...hah!) we went to the mall...bought a movie (Matilda! I havent seen it in AGES) and hung out at her house for a bit. I told her what was going on. She agreed that it was crazy and she knew some people with cars that theyd be selling for cheap or would work with me or something...woot woot! Nothing is guarantee'd. So we'll see. But still she gets points for caring/attempting. Overall good day. I hung out with her all day pretty much and Im tired. 7:50 pm - Sunday, Sept. 11, 2011 *********************************************************************************** Hope On The Horizon
I told him that after he broke my headphones by ripping them out of my ears because I wouldnt let him use my computer. That part I dont understand, why he doesnt understand 'no'. Ive been telling him you DAMAGED my computer! Why the fuck would I let you use it?! But because he gives me an un-remorseful half ass apology *HE* fully expects me to get over my "issues" and let him use it. Then last night tired of him and my gparents I had a bit of a meltdown. You know when you reach your breaking point so you start hysterically screaming and half of it makes no sense? Yep that was me. That episode started when my brother wouldnt go the fuck away so we got into again. I threw something at him. Again. Anyway I ended up throwing a can of air at him. My gma got pissed at me going you know how much that shit costs? I snapped. Started screaming do you know how much my fucking computer and headphones costs?!?! But when he breaks my shit NO ONE cares so the fuck I care about your stupid can of air!!! She responds with what the fuck you want me to do then goes to her bedroom. My brother was like your soooo immature and childish for 22. Maybe slightly. But I had had enough. I dont buy me shit just to have my brother break them when he feels the need. And my point about all this is NO ONE cares. How come I cant get a little bit of sympathy? Like a comment or two about how your brothers bat shit crazy? How come my feelings or my shit doesnt matter? How come my shit is allowed to get broken? No one of course has an answer. So I texted Peanutbutter last night. Ive been blowing her off for months like the shitty friend I am. But I need someone to talk to. Normally I consider her my "light and bubbly" friend, one that I do not share anything deeply personal with. Since she has been around for years and putting up with my crazy shit, blowing her off, and my lack of telling her anything personal I figure it was time to treat her like the good friend she is. Besides honestly if I start to open up to her Ill probably stop blowing her off. I do that when my brain hurts, I hate my family, and I have no energy. Not to mention, I desperately need perspective about this bullshit that keeps happening to me. Am I being dramatic? Am I playing victim? How can I change this? I just feel so stuck and blinded that its due time I talk this through with someone and get answers. So Im meeting with her tomorrow. I sent her a text saying that we need to hang asap...that I was still broke...but I needed someone to talk to. She actually quickly responded she had Sunday off and we can have a girls movie marathon at her house so no need for me to have any money. That completely warmed my heart, made me feel bad for dodging her, and made me determined to get my shit together so I can be a better friend. 4:17 pm - Saturday, Sept. 10, 2011 *********************************************************************************** |
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