Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** I Suck At Chess
I thought we were working on being good until today. Today Eleven (18) stops by. Eleven recently moved out and he currently lives with Seventeen (23). Seventeen and mom are not talking. Moms pretty much flipped it and is all fuck Seventeen even Seventeen was the first to pull the plug. Anyway. Eleven comes over and mom tells him about the fight and what led to it. She minimized the whole Boomerang hit her and worded it more like they were arguing and he just slapped her. With Eleven around its like her energy changed. I was upstairs at one point using the bathroom and I hear them talking about Seventeen and when I walked out she gave me this weird ass look. So I just went back downstairs. Eleven is team mom. Like super hard. He will always be loyal to her. Because of this mom feels she has the upper hand. That me and Seventeen were wrong for our "intervention" and that we took things too far. Eleven is backing mom and Seven (14) and Bub (8) as of right now seem to have no problem with Boomerang plus theyre also team mom. Even when mom was telling gma about Seventeen she didnt give a lot of details but enough to have gma be team mom. I officially lost. This bitch one upped me over a man who treats her like shit. Mom will be with Boomerang until she (ever) leaves WI. She rallied everyone around her and now feels validated. Fuck them all. Ill play nice for now. Im currently looking for a grown up job (one that someone who graduated with a BS in psychology would have) that is 2nd shift (which is slightly hard apparently no one in the area in an office works past 5) so that I can continue to homeschool Bub. Im also looking into masters programs. There was one that was brilliant buuuuut they dont take financial aid. They believe student debt is too high. So you have to pay out of pocket. Like I have 350$ NOT including books to pay every month. Go fuck yourselves. They wont even take grants or scholarships. Assholes. Moving on. So hopefully soon Ill have a new job. Will be in a new school working on a new degree. Getting a new car (currently eyeballing the Chevy Spark cause its cute and spunky) and moving out by the this time next year. I want to be free. 6:25 pm - Friday, Sept. 25, 2015 *********************************************************************************** What. The. Fuck. Ever. I. Guess.
Its like my entire family is this giant black widow spider that lures me in to eventually kill me. My dumb ass fucking special ed damn derelict sister who is 19 and a lesbian is pregnant with a baby that she really wanted. Wanted enough to have sex with a second boy months after she miscarried the first one. Wanted one so bad but still continue to pop xanax and smoke weed. Our mother is trying to get her special type of stupid ass out here. Buuuuuut then she goes if she comes out here then its like me having a baby. Moms all like I need help. I have to work. Youll be having a baby so can you stay and do your masters here? I started laughing cause we were beefing and she was all like leave on sunday. She said I cost her her son cause he no longer wants anything to do with her. She feels that since we're abusive to each other and cuss each other out and stuff that her relationship with Boomerang is no big deal. She knows its dysfunctional but we're all dysfunctional. I tried to explain that shes our mom and why is she taking bullshit from Boomerang? It was an intervention. We come towards a standstill but find our rhythm personally again. We have a good relationship and talk often. When we beef its just weird. Therell be times where I want to tell her about the little things I saw or things that happened but then keep it to myself cause we're beefing. She gets the same way. Seventeen (23) still doesnt want shit to do with her. I am just emotionally confused and all over the place but he really isnt a good therapist. From his end I see his point. Mom was given an ultimatum and she chose the abusive bf over her kids. And since Boomerang was over today I see his point cause I got all twitchy. Its like I want to be free. On the side note we got a manual push mower and Im excited. I underestimated how much work it would be. I have a blister on my hand. Actually on both hands. It was a great work out. 10:25 pm - Wednesday, Sept. 23, 2015 *********************************************************************************** Sunday. Monday. Tuesday.
Sunday was the Big Blow Up involving Mom, Seventeen (23) and myself. Boomerang played a major part in it as well but he kept himself hidden from the front lines. Sunday Seventeen stopped talking to mom and mom got mad at me. She basically accused me of brainwashing Seventeen and that my time with her is limited. She felt that her relationship with Boomerang is perfectly normal and I had no right to involve Seventeen and its my fault hes sending her fucked up messages. Sunday I was an emotional wreck buuuuuut I felt free. I could practically feel the freedom of getting my own place and being an adult. Having a grown up job and making grown up money while getting my masters as well. I was free. Monday I felt guilty for being free. I feel bad for Bub (8). I home school him. Ive been in his life forever. If I leave I feel like Im abandoning him. But he isnt mine. But I care for him. Besides Boomerang is such an asshole towards Bub. Even mom said numerous times that Boomerang was mean to Bub. He fucks with him. Bum ass old man. I feel guilty like Ill leave him with no protector but then Im like I dont think itll be too bad. Im just all over the place. Monday I still taste the freedom though. I still envision myself in my own place and away. Probably in MI cause I dont like WI. But I am free. Though conflicted because do I truly have a right to be free? Should I have kept my mouth shut and sacrificed the mental/emotional bits of myself to keep an eye on Bub? But what of the other siblings? Seventeen has a job and a place but he wanted me to deal with Bub. It makes annoyed and put out that no one else wants to be bothered. Monday mom isnt talking to me. When she comes home there is tension at home. I stay downstairs until work and she wanders around upstairs. I took an Uber to work and I got a ride home. I notice no dishes have been done. No dishes have been put away. The folded laundry (hers) wasnt taken to her room but left in the laundry room. She had my laptop though cause it was upstairs. Tuesday/Today: She came home early from work annoyed with my sister Thirteen (19) who is pregnant, a lesbian, smoking weed, and on probation (yeah I know hefty combo). She came home and was talking to me like we were allies. I stared at her in confusion. When she went back to work she also called me with updates and I got text messages. Tuesday my mom is acting like we're cool but I dont know how to take it. I could pretend along with her and act like I am no longer bothered by her and Boomerang. I could act like it was a random outburst and pretend. Pretend pretend pretend is how this family works when things are broken and wrong and need to be fixed. But I want to be free. If I pretend then Im here. I am emotionally fucked and resentful. Tuesday I am confused. I dont know how to deal with all of this. 2:24 pm - Tuesday, Sept. 22, 2015 *********************************************************************************** Text Messages With My Brother (txt convo) This happened last night. ME: Im feeling some type of way and I need to know if Im crazy. Last Monday Boomerang smacked mom twice. The second time he smacked her so hard that she fell into the closet. When she finally got him to leave she slammed the door at him I guess and he tried to break the door down. I was at work but Bub (8) was here and tried to comfort mom. Her face was slightly puffy. Anyway Boomerang is over today and theyre back together. Like dafuq? I KNOW theyre dysfunctional but he put his hands ON HER and poor Bub was basically a witness. Im upset about this but do I have a right? I mean this is so fucked up. I cant believe mom is this fucking desperate. SEVENTEEN (23): She's inferior. She has always and will always let any man treat her any kind of way. I told her not to speak to me in an capacity as long as she continues to communicate with him. ME: You did? Well then this is her intervention. She hasnt said anything yet. I just got so upset because he crossed a physical line. I know she has issues but this is too much. -------------------------------------------- ME: She defended him. She stood here and told me I was wrong for texting you. ME: I kept bringing up that he PUT HIS HANDS ON HER and she told me I had no rights to say shit and that I was out of line. ME: She calmly looked at me like Ive lost my mind. That Boomerang putting his hands on her and them breaking up was her venting and I took it too far. ME: I of course broke down and was slightly hysterical and crying. You know how I am. But she seemed unfazed. Hes still here and she told me to mind my business. ME: She also brought up the fact that I never liked him. Ignoring the WHOLE time they’ve dated hes treated her like shit and she told me about it. Like why would I like a bum ass dude? Especially for my mom. ME: We’ve said our piece. I don’t know what else to do. So that’s that. SEVENTEEN: He sent me a screen grab. Seventeen: For the simple fact that you just took his side and blamed Phaythles, speaks volumes of how inferior you are. I am disgusted. You literally turned on your family for a man who puts his hands on you. I will not be driving you to the hospital. I will not be seeing you after surgery. I will not be visiting you for the holidays. I will be blocking your number ceasing all communication with you for the remainder of the year. Mom: That’s fine. Take care. ME: Oh. My. God. Its official. Shes beyond fucked up. SEVENTEEN: Honestly, she deserves it if this is what she wants. You may want to start looking for a better job to as you may need your own place soon. ME: She chose him. Moms gone rogue. Its like…mind blowing in a way. ME: Right. I was honestly thinking that. But poor Bub. I agreed to home school him for a year. I cant neglect him like that. Thatd make me an asshole. ME: But I do need one. Ive been looking but I got side tracked. I need to get this shit together. ASAP. SEVENTEEN: Get your shit together and get Bub the fuck out of that house. ME: Yeah. I cant take him take him. But I do need to get a better job and get a place and have like a safe haven for him. A home away from home. SEVENTEEN: She’ll happily give him up to be with Boomerang. ME: That’s mean. She may have issues but she loves Bub. A lot. So no she wont. And he loves his mom (as a normal child should) so he wouldn’t leave her either. Youre talking silly so we’re squashing that plan. ME: Thanks for having my back :) Sometimes dealing with her is like being in a twilight zone. Like am I always just emotional? SEVENTEEN: We’re all replaceable my dear. ME: Apparently. But to be honest her feelings seem to be hurt over you. Youre her favorite and you’ve turned your back. She seemed perplexed that I would even talk to you. She kept going you two don’t even get along and you told him I chose Boomerang over you guys. I was standing there like I don’t know what else to say. She literally isn’t getting it. SEVENTEEN: I’m actually not that concerned. ME: I know. You’ve got a low tolerance for bullshit. Especially emotional bullshit. Youre already over it. Hah. I however wallow in it for a little bit.
10:53 pm - Monday, Sept. 21, 2015 *********************************************************************************** His Bitch Ass Touched My Mom
Theyre back together. He came over today. I knew this was going to happen cause she kept complaining about being alone. My stomach has been in knots for the entire week because I knew he would be back. I was so upset that he put his hands on my mom. Angry. Im just so fucking upset and dejected and weepy that she took him back. Not only that but to put Bub through this. Why? 9:07 pm - Sunday, Sept. 20, 2015 *********************************************************************************** Customers Are A Fucking Pain
Customer brings in a package of wall decals and claims they don't work. She wants to exchange them for ones that "have adhesive" on them. Slightly odd but who am I to judge? I look at her old wall decals and notice the page inside looks blank white where the decals would normally be. I open it and sure as shit there are no fucking decals. I cant return this. I'm thinking that these are 30$ decals that she quite honestly could have hanging on her childs wall while we speak. Manager comes up. I explain and show manager the 2 blank sheets where decals would be. Manager looks at them in silence like she's confused. Finally she turns to customer and goes I can't return packaging. Customer angrily sighs and goes ill just buy the new ones then. Manager walks away. I am once again shown how fucking weird people are.
Ummm, what? I can't just give you a new price because you saw it cheaper. I need proof. Well how was I supposed to know that they would be cheaper? I was JUST there. I was in line but decided to come here because I needed something else. In head who. The. Fuck. Does. That?! Out loud... Okay. I still need proof. I cannot just give you a new price on an item. Well just call them. In my head I'm thinking I would love to fucking punch her. Why the fuck would I want to call our competitor for a few dollars? Why am I being punished for this? I don't say anything of this. Instead I just look at her. She goes I could go there to buy it. I love this threat. Customers do it all the time. They seem to think our big ass business chain is cowering over a 4 dollar loss of some other big ass chain. Especially since we price match (with proof!) and take their coupons. So oooooo I'm shaking in my mother effing boots. I gave her a look like I could give a fuck if she left. Especially since I keep hoping that she would give up. Well? 10:17 pm - Monday, Sept. 14, 2015 *********************************************************************************** |
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