Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Addicted Cows Knitted Wear Educates The Culture

Where do I begiiiiiiiiiinnnnnn? (sang that shit. think high note with a tone deaf voice)

SATURDAY. We went to the movies. Saw Addicted. More on that later. First apparently there is a weather requirement for wearing knit hats. According to my mother that is. She was seriously pissed off that I was completely determined to wear my hat. Its a blue and grey lions hat with a little blue pompom on the top. We live in the midwest. It was like 55 fucking degrees outside. Who the hell comes up with a weather requirement? And what is said requirement? Because once again it was 55. I was already wearing a hoodie, jeans, and some sneakers. So in MY mind there was NOTHING wrong with my hat. She totally was borderline pissed/seriously annoyed with me. Weird, weird woman.

Though I will admit my hair was NOT on point with the hat. It ended up by the end of the day (well actually the end of the movie) looking dry and weird. I just dont understand how to have good hair day under the knitwear. I even googled it. Yes people, googled. So far in my adventure my hair is not working under this hat but I bought the damn thing and I am SUPER determined to eventually pull it off looking super sweet and amazeballs. Mark my words.

Now to the movie. I read the book. Hated it. Hell I slammed it in an entry like a month or so ago. But the movie trailer held promise. Besides there have been quite a few movies that I liked more than the book and well, a shit ton of books I liked more than the movie. Addicted was just, eh. I honestly cant say which one sucked worse, the movie or the book. They both had some pros and cons.

The book pro and movie con: The book went into more detail of the main characters sex life with her husband. He honestly didn't explore that much sexually. He didnt like her on top. He didnt like to recieve oral. He sure as hell didnt like to give oral. So it made sense (I dont condone cheating!) that she would go out and get her brains fucked by someone else. Then she would go home and try to get her husband to explore more so she wouldnt go out fucking other dudes. The movie husband looked like he had no issue keeping up and that there sex life was on fire. So it made it seem like she had this random little addiction that came out of nowhere because she had this awesomely sexfulfilling husband who was pretty accommodating to her needs. It just drove me nuts because it made it seem like she just had this random sex drive because she was a major slut. She shouldnt have cheated but the reasoning behind it was because her husband was her first and she wanted to spice it up a bit but he wasnt willing. Making the sex issue BOTH of their problems and not just hers.

The movie pro and book con: They totally cut out the extra serial killer bullshit. Which I was COMPLETELY happy about because I thought Zane (author) did WAY too much in that book. There was just way too much going on. So the main characters lover didnt go apeshit and try to kill everyone he set his sights on.

The book pro and movie con: They cut out the scene where Zoeys (main character) lover number 2 had a woman on the side who went super crazy bitch and keyed up Zoeys car. It would have been fun to see it in the movie, also would have helped the storyline of how far she was spiraling plus it would have been nice to see her face while she was lying her ass off to her husband as to why and where her car got fucked up.

The movie pro and book con: I also liked how they didnt kill off her best friend. Once again that shit was COMPLETELY unnecessary to the plot of the book. Also loved how the movie didnt go into the whole "its guilty to masterbate" like they did in the book. Not going to lie that shit pissed me off. Once again there is NOTHING wrong with self love. Much prefer for people to hump their hands then randomly dealing with bum ass people humping them.

TODAY. My mom I guess gets a scheduled appointment with Mayo. For the second interview. She is now having guilt trips for not taking this opportunity to the limit. So if it works out in her favor then we are packing up and going to MN. Not a hundred percent sure how I feel about that. Yes yes yes. I have made it SUPER clear how much I HATE WI. But Im not a hundred percent sold on MN being the new home front. Once again I AM 25 so if need be I guess Ill move. Im not sure. I just feel that she had SUCH a negative reaction to MN that moving there is only going to make her MORE miserable. But, who am I to judge?

Also Boomerang came over again. I feel like these two are a soap opera. Or two teenagers. So he comes over. She wanted to know where he was at because he was wearing a ribbon or some shit and basically thought he went on a field trip so she was curious. He liked flipped out. Start talking about how she was always questioning him and how shes always accusing him of up to no good. I mean he was legit talking in circles. Which made all my little red flags go up. Between his tone and the things he was saying that man was clearly up to no good before he decided to pop up here. Then he wanted his shirt. My mother bought him one while in MN. She asked him if thats what he came over for. He said yes. So she told him she put it away. He got mad again. Then he kept going over and over how he came over for her and not the shirt and she needs to quit acting like this crazy person and guilt tripping him. Then they started arguing about the terms of their relationship or some shit. She was trying to keep a lower tone but that made him get louder. He kept yelling why are you mumbling?! She kept answering him in a calm voice that her children can hear and she wasnt trying to bring all this bullshit to them. They went round in round in a circle. He kept saying why are you mumbling youre a grown woman and she kept going Im trying to keep my voice down because of my kids.

I have NO idea why she tried. He does NOT care about any of us. He'll yell because he feels its his right. When he fucks her he does so extremely loud. Which always bothered me because then shortly afterwards he'll leave. I just find it disrespectful. Like you know she has a house full of kids and when you orgasm you do so damn near in a shout and then like an hour or two later you sneak off. In my mind he is blantaly letting us know that he is treating our mother like a whore. To me it doesnt even matter that she is allowing this behavior. She is trying to make a relationship out of an unavailable man so he should at least making the fucking pretense of trying to do so as well. Especially since she isnt allowed to be all up in his house around his kids.

So anyway they go round and round. Both ends get louder. She wants to know how come hes NEVER asked her to stay and not leave. He told her he wasnt going to get in the way of her pursuing a career or make decisions based on her job or some shit. Then she wanted to know how come they are in the same spot 3 years later. Then at one point she tells him about the 2nd interview at Mayo and he ignores her because hes watching the football game. Now?

Theyre fucking their brains out.

These two I swear. *eye roll*

LAST WEDNESDAY. I forgot to mention on our way back from MN we stopped at this little town to get gas and ended up eating at Subway. It was in WI, but close to MN.

These people have apparently NEVER seen a black person before. Im telling you EVERYONE stared. Just out right stared. I had children staring at us. There was two old men in line that kept bending and stretching to get peeks at us while we were eating. There was an older white couple who sat in a few booths ahead of us that kept turning around to stare at us. Our mom (who is white. an interracial family could have been why they were staring as well) was like you would have thought I brought a cow in here with us. The one couple who was in the booth that kept staring she pointedly looked at them and was like I know you need to quit looking at my brown babies like that.

It was a tad uncomfortable. Glad to leave that town behind. Though I wasnt pissed. It was more like you know what I cultured you people. You got to experience live what black people are like in public. We arent all gang banging or selling drugs. We are not all whores, babymamas or welfare queens. None of us have been in jail. None of us can rap or play professional sports. We are funny. We are polite. We are educated.

You're welcome.

10:14 pm - Monday, Oct. 13, 2014

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Sprawling Cows & Photogenic Phones

Okay. So we went to Minnesota the other day. My mom had a test to take for some clinical thingy for her job. We've been studying for it. Then like the week before the test she was mostly spazzing about the test and hanging out with Boomerang, but not actually studying.

She also had a job interview at Mayo.

Exciting stuff. So we packed up and took a road trip. MN is very pretty in the rustic, farmer, kinkaid type of way. I loved it. It was just pretty, safe, and wholesome feeling.

Apparently my mother and siblings hated it. We all agree it was pretty. But the town that Mayo is in is super small which I agree. So they actually called her back the next day to meet up with them and she turned them down.

Off to the mall of america we went. I liked the mall. I did some shopping at the mall. I only made it to one side of first floor and one side of second floor. Checked out the roller coaster thing they had in the middle.

Apparently my mother didnt like the mall and wasnt impressed. She expected more. Like how much more? I thought it was impressive it had FOUR floors with an indoor amusement park. Its a MALL. She wasnt impressed.

Other than that the road trip was actually pretty fun.

So now we are back home in WI. She is trying out new activities to find friends because shes like trying to settle down in WI I guess.

This thought terrifies me.

So Mayo and MN wasnt EXACTLY what we had pictured. But WI cannot be my permanent home. I feel like Im slowly dying out here. I just cant. So at first I was a little panicky that she was trying to permanently settle roots out here but now Ive come to the realization that I am 25.

Which yes I knew. But I dont actually have to live out here. I have a year left to finish my degree. And after that? Who the fuck knows but I am free to leave. And I probably will. WI will not be my forever place. It simply cant be. Id rather jump off a bridge.

A couple of weeks ago I took my brother Eleven (17) graduation pictures. It was just me, my nokia phone, him, and an alley way. They turned out fucking amazeballs. I am quite proud.

My only annoyance? My mother has proudly been showing them off. Theyve gotten a shit ton of compliments and people have assumed they are professional. To my knowledge shes either letting them think that or ambiguously claiming that someone else took them. Why can I not get credit for them? I dont think Im asking too much. It was literally me, my phone, and some fucking sunlight. It just irks me how my accomplishments or the things I do for this family gets completely minimized. Every. Fucking. Time. I just dont understand why everyone likes to ignore my existence to others. Jeepers.

Homework still sucks. Been thinking about working out (again). It might ease the stress of my homework by being active. But Im lazy.

Also T Mobile is fucking stupid. I lost service yesterday at 10am. I couldnt get ahold of anyone. I Googled it and apparently theyve been losing service across the States. Finally get ahold of someone today. She didnt answer nor even acknowledge my questions and comments about their lack of service but she did fix my phone. Im curious as to what is going on with them.

3:45 pm - Friday, Oct. 10, 2014

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons