Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Stalkin Bitches

My beef of the day is:

Bitches stalking...

Seriously...

For some reason i end up befriending all the crazy bitches...n when some dude stops tlkin to them they wanna stalk...my friends are always like hey lets:

*Myspace stalk him
*Myspace stalk him under a new name so-he-wnt-know-its-me-n-we-can-make-him-like-the-new-me-n-dump-him-so-he-knows-how-it-feels
*Call him a million times
*Call him the millionith-n-one time n get wicked pissed that the numbers blocked
*Call him frm a blocked number
*Call him again frm a payphone
*Hey phayth call him frm ur phone he doesnt know u
(Hmmm HELL nah)
*Plz phayth call him n flirt with him
(Once again NO n if i did how the fuck would i explain how i got his fuckin number???)
*Okay phayth at least call him n leave him a bitchy message
(WTF NO!!! And why me??)
**He doesnt kno ur voice I cnt...he'll think Im stalkin him**
(Like ur not?)
*Why dnt we drive around his house a few times
(::sighs:: u can but im NOT goin)
*Hey phayth we're goin to the mall n we'll 'accidently' run into him
(NO!!)

Then they wanna cry/sob/bitch bout him bein such a jackass n hes so blah blah blah...n yeah ill be like sure hes a jerk...just get over it...while im thinkin:

(he probably is a jerk but most likely u pushed him away cuz ur FUCKIN crazy)

And ive actually said that out loud a few times...but they laugh n think its funny...

DO. NOT. STALK. YOUR. FUCKIN. EX.

Ugh what the fuck...if u wanna stalk him thats fine...DONT try n drag me n2 ur crazyassness...

And then i gotta wonder:

Am I like a fuckin crazy/deadbeat/bum magnet...i swear if u have ANY sort of emotional issues or are unstable...i WILL end up bein ur friend...i cnt even help it...no wonder i have issues...shiiiiit...

10:41 pm - Monday, Apr. 27, 2009

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Opened Wounds(poem)

Im filled with tons of dirty secrets
And for that I wont let anyone close
Why would I allow you to hurt me
Im usually the one used and left behind
Nobody understands what goes through
My head
Or the little things that chip at me
Make me feel like a lesser person
I see a slight in every action
Life has taught me to be paranoid
And cautious
Im never perfect enough for anyones standards
The individual ur too ashamed to admit you know
All my life Ive been the dark secret
Kept away
Never to be seen or acknowledge
So why would you want to know me now
You claim you do
But everytime I speak
You never hear what I have to say
My words are worthless stories
I give up
Honestly I do
Ive thrown in the towel
Just so you can gloat and be victorious
This is why no one will get farther
Than an arms length
Opening myself
Just to be abused
Hurts so much
These wounds will never close

5:34 pm - Monday, Apr. 27, 2009

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The Wrestler Size 2 Bitch Wannabe's Ice Cream Truck

I just watched the movie The Wrestler...n it was pretty fuckin good...i mean i didnt wanna watch it but my mom did...its one of those movies that sorta haunt u...i freakin cried at the end...i guess u can say it touched me...not like benjamin button cause that movie i fuckin sobbed for a half hr at the theater...lol...

Wrked sucked ass today...ugh...im really not likin shit...we lost power today for a bit cause of this fuckin rain storm shit that has yet to go away...n i guess grn m&m is tlkin some mad shit to everyone n not doin her job so she can get fired...shes on everyones fuckin nerves...i think shes gonna need some tough love n i guess im the chick who needs to do it...ugh...love fuckin dirty shrink wrk...

The other day i saw the fuckin ice cream truck...

I fuckin hate the ice cream truck...

I remember most bout that damn thing was when i was younger n i tried to manipulate the ice cream man/woman out of free ice cream...

Sometimes it wrked...

Anyway i guess the reason why i hate seeing it is because it means summers here...n i dnt like summer...my hair hates it n i feel like imma fuckin melt...

I guess part of me feels bad for hatin on summer just cause my bday is at the end of june n therefore n summer...but bein a summer baby doesnt really make me like it...

To me...summer is made for size 2 bitches...i am a size 10...n i just hate feelin all sticky n hot...

But i guess the inside me thinks imma size 2 bitch because i like to dress like a skank...short skirts n tank tops n yeah...

Crazy right? lol...

11:15 pm - Saturday, Apr. 25, 2009

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons