Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Woah Gma...

Lmao...my gma is drunk and I just learned:

* She used to do coke...like seriously??? She said it was her best friend and she enjoyed it

* She used to do mescaline...which is like peyote

* She used to do speed

Smh. We learn new things all the time...

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Gma: Have you ever tried coke?

Phayth: Uhhh...nope.

Gma: Its wonderful.

Phayth: **Is this a fuckin joke?!** (thoughts)

12:47 am - Sunday, Jul. 03, 2011

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Oh My Darling Squishy

I feel squishy. Emotionally squishy. If that makes any type of sense. My brothers been kickin it with us for awhile now and he was like blah blah why are you so depressed and blah blah...

Im not tryin to be. It just is. Its weird and I know something is wrong with me. Its like I can *feel* my chemical imbalance.

He doesnt believe in therapy or meds so hes always like you make it what you wanna be and you make it a good or bad day.

He also doesnt get that I try. Oh how I try. And for the most part it works, just sometimes I stumble and I feel emotionally squishy and vulnerable.

So it doesnt help at all that in these times he likes to pick at me because that just makes me spiral down a little further...

But I will say today is a better day. I feel a little less squishy.

3:19 pm - Saturday, Jul. 02, 2011

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons