Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

***********************************************************************************

Still Complaining About My Old People Bra

I swear these new bras are making me neurotic.

I wore one yesterday and was completely fucking paranoid that someone KNEW I was wearing an orthopedic bra.

How can you tell? Well they leave these ugly ass seams. Stare at an old ladys boobs for a moment and youll see what I am talking about.

Why do they have seams? To fucking torture people.

These bras dont have underwire and they have this fabric bullshit. So they have this big seam that runs across the middle of the boob horizontally to "support".

I dont feel supported. I also dont feel like my mental health and feelings are being supported.

For some reason once you get past an F in cups the bras dont come with underwire. Unless you wanna pay 80-220$ for a fancy bra. I dont have that type of money to spend that on ONE fucking bra.

Ugh.

I also read somewhere that if you go up in band size the cups get bigger. I wonder what Id have to go up to, to make an F cup become a big G cup? 40? 42? 44? I dont want to go too big or else Im not supported at the band. But it would be nice to find something cute, supportive and WITH underwire. This would be helpful if I knew what bra size I actually was. I need one of those specialty shops where I can get measured. Everytime I measure myself Im a different bra size depending on the website and brand of bra.

This shit makes my head hurt.

I honestly wish my boobs were smaller. Not too small since Id probably tip over from shock since I am quite accustomed to my breasts being big, but small enough where I could actually go into any store and try them on. So you know a D would be nice. Also small enough where my straps dont dig into my shoulders. My boobs are heavy enough where Ive got light dents on my shoulders along with a discolored mark so it looks like I have tan lines in the shape of bra straps.

Not cute. Or fun.

10:12 pm - Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2014

***********************************************************************************

Orthopedic Boobs Out On Bond

My sister was in jail. Had to bail her out. I put 600$. Ugh. My accounts are now limping and screaming. Jeepers.

She put her hands on her girlfriend. I guess she left for the night to go to our gmas house to do laundry and get groceries. So when she comes back with the stuff the next day she found her girlfriend in the middle of having sex with a boy.

So she smacked her.

Completely surprised me since my sister is like super squishy. She talks a LOT of shit but has NEVER backed it up.

I bought new bras. These things get on my nerves. Im not a hundred percent sure what size I am. Ive been like a 38F, FF, G, and I just bought an H. Somehow they dont do a lot of underwire in this size which perplexes me.

Anyway I get em and they are comfortable. Also think they are a wee bit too big. They are ugly to me though. Like orthopedic old people shit.

I wanted to cry like my self esteem just totally plummeted and I have this ugly bras that are big enough to make a tshirt with and my mom is like oh theyre cute and your boobs look nice and smaller.

Ugh shut up. Just shut. Up. It irks me how she keeps trying to comfort me by saying my breasts are small. That seems to be her thing. Shes like obsessed with being smaller (shes waist training by wearing a corset, but she doesnt really work out) and wanting a bigger ass. Those are not my goals. I dont give a fuck if my boobs look smaller. Im upset because my self esteem is partially attached to my under garments. So Im like on a mad hunt to find something lacy and practical and cute.

I dont think Im asking for too much.

11:35 am - Tuesday, Aug. 12, 2014

***********************************************************************************

Hot Musty Mothballs Customer

Peroxide smells like mothballs. And old musty people sweating in a sauna. Just saying.

I love hot sauce. Always have. My obsession of late is sriracha sauce. I mix it with ranch a lot of the times. Not that Im particularly fond of ranch but I use it as a vehicle for my hot sauce. When its creamy it can be used on a whole lot more things. I mix it with ramen noodles(no ranch just straight up), mix it with ketchup to add it to various ketchup required foods, and I mix it with the ranch for sandwich spreads and dipping veggies and things of that nature. Love the layers of sriracha sauce. There is more to hot sauce than being hot.

Working in retail is an interesting experience I swear. People dont realize what it takes to be perky all the time. Im like a fucking therapist. I am that shoulder you cry on. I listen to all of your life stories. I give encouragement. Constant "You can do it!" "I believe in you!" "No judgements!". I will try my best to help you have a positive experience and if you arent extremely rude or snobbish and I feel like I actually like you I will do my best to give you a good deal. Its annoying when customers go too far into our relationship. There are boundaries. I cant do some things. I get sick of the lying and can become jaded. I try my best but you come at me talking about how I NEED to use your gift card, this gift card that you do NOT physically have, that youve NEVER seen and you are getting the numbers off of said card from a third party who happens to be in another state, it gets a little hard to be nice. Anyone with common sense would realize this is fraud and unfortunately I dont love you enough to lose my job. I go on though being the giver and the cheerleader. But then you, the always random and spontaneous customer, decides that you NEED to use this coupon. This 15% off your entire order, that was given to you sometime in 2013 because you had a baby registry, the coupon that is no longer in my system and for which I do not have an equivalent for. I try to explain that this isnt possible but you lie to my face and claim you got it last month when you signed up for a registry. Oh? You did? Because I could swear I SEE your 2 month old WITH you and that you are NO longer pregnant so of course you DIDNT just sign up for another registry last month for a baby that you ALREADY had. Sometimes I feel like I need space. Its not you dear customer, its me.

12:01 am - Wednesday, Aug. 06, 2014

***********************************************************************************

Lazy Just Lazy Makes No Sense Random

I really dont have much energy to write. I am feeling lazy again. I wish I had the type of life where I can pace my room in manic circles all while someone was writing down what I was saying.

This way my thoughts could be efficiently recorded instead of this half ass attempt I do occasionally.

I bought a pack of sharpies. Ive been doing some really cool designs on my nails. Im digging the creativity.

5:12 pm - Sunday, Aug. 03, 2014

***********************************************************************************

Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons