Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Lazy Later

There is so much I want to write down. Clear my head. Analyze (not too deeply) my emotions. But I simply dont have the energy. I thought I did. I dont. I need to finish this last home stretch of the semester. Ill be back later.

8:40 pm - Saturday, Dec. 13, 2014

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Oooooh Crazy Bitch Eats Tylenol

I think my mother just referred to me as a pill popper.

She bought tylenol along with other meds because its winter and the household gets sick. So when we were at the store she made a crack about needing tylenol but it gets eaten like candy.

I quite honestly didn't think twice of said comment. I assumed that she meant the ENTIRE household.

I opened them earlier and took 2. Since Wednesday I haven't been feeling well. I had a slight fever. I had fucking vertigo. Thats where you feel the room is spinning/moving when its not. That was oh so much fun. It was really bad yesterday. I laid around. Slept. Ate a bit. Laid around. Napped. Along with Bub (7) who is also not feeling well. Hes also warm and sounds like shit.

She knew I was taking motrin Wednesday and Thursday. Today since we had tylenol I switched it up. She literally just came out into the kitchen demanding to know if I opened the tylenol. I said I did. Still not thinking too much of it. Im trying to do my homework and she knew I was sick.

She basically spazzed out on me and threatened to lock away the tylenol since I cant control myself. That theyre extra strength and theyre not candy.

I looked at this bitch like what? Huh? I calmly told her that the only time I ever popped them like candy was because of my tooth. It was before I was able to go see the dentist. Shit my back molar was cracked. I will not lie I was popping those bitches like they were tic tacs. But I mean hello? My tooth hurt like hell. I so get a pass. Plus if I remember correctly I replaced the bottle I went through.

Im seriously sitting here like dafuq? I dont understand where that came from. I mean her tone was serious. She was trying to play it off but it was serious. She probably will lock up the damn tylenol because I took 2. Smh.

7:20 pm - Friday, Nov. 28, 2014

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Hot Chocolate Amazeballs Upside Down Brain

Oh. My. Gosh.

I quit smoking. I discovered real hot chocolate.

So the whole not smoking thing was okay. I was on the patch. I still had nicotine. Constant. As in 24/7 constant for 3 1/2 weeks. I said no more to patch.

My brain flipped upside down.

I feel weepy. I feel depressed. I feel all dark and twisty. I feel lethargic.

I was good. Then Im not. Then Im good. Then Im back to spirally out of control. I feel like Im more sensitive and junk.

I want the burn of the nicotine. But I know its a cop out. I need to work out. I need to do my homework. Wrap presents. Keep busy until my brain rights itself again when the drug finally leaves.

I made white hot chocolate the other day. It was amazeballs. I used 16 oz of white chocolate. 6 cups of whole milk. 2 cups of heavy cream. A generous splash of vanilla extract.

The shit was heavy. Creamy. Warm. Just amazing.

The downside? I forgot I have milk allergies. So literally that night and half the next day I was not feeling so hot. Ugh.

But the hot chocolate was just so heavenly. I swear.

8:03 pm - Monday, Nov. 24, 2014

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