Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Oh Why Do I Continue To Let This Bitch Under My Skin?!

Its depressing at 22 I still want a mom who is just not there. She'll give me a warm and fuzzy feeling to suck me back in and then it goes to shit because she either wants something or she just enjoys tearing me apart to make herself feel good.

Case in point:

I previously had a conversation with her and she was all loving and nice. I said in the last entry that it felt good to have a mom. And I hope it lasts.

I just realized though....she wouldnt respond to me when I was losing my shit. But NOW she'll send me a train ticket to come out to Wisconsin.

Why?

To babysit her fucking kids. The fucking role Ive had my WHOLE life.

Wow. Jeez thanks mom!

I wanted to jump of a bridge and *THAT* wasnt a good enough reason. Nope you dont want your youngest to be "traumatized" because he has to go to school AND daycare. Which in all honestly its GOOD for him. Fuck.

Then today we get into it and she once AGAIN tries pushing the theory of "you-dont-like-your-sister-and-this-is-why-she-is-the-way-she-is" down my fucking throat.

I actually like my sister and we hang out and such. Our mother moves to another state and dumps her 15 year old here for about 7 months and has yet to come get her. Mind you that also means my sister is NOT in school.

But *IM* the one that doesnt like her?

Fuck off and kick rocks bitch.

Im gettin sick of this woman fuckin with my emotions. Ugh.

7:13 pm - Tuesday, Jul. 26, 2011

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons