Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** The Emotional Melt
Either way I just wanna slide out of my body. 5:42 pm - Sunday, Aug. 17, 2014 *********************************************************************************** 7 Years of Ancient & Recent Neurosis
Im still in retail. I had the one job for 2 1/2 years and then I switched over to this secretarial/office maid/clean up committee for a year. Now that I reflect on that I can see that it wasnt the best of fits. I unfortunately was bored out of my mind and could care less about filing and was super horrible when it came to answering phones and questions. My strengths were more of the cleaning and typing. I also was the one who was WAY too fucking causal at the office because there was a period of time where I wouldnt wear shoes when I walked around the office. I walked around in socks. Yes I am country as hell. Dont judge me. Well judge me a bit cause I do cringe. In my sad little defense when they told me to stop I totally did. Towards the end of the year I was not feeling comfortable there because some of the nurses didnt like me. My wardrobe became an issue. I visited the office one time in ripped jeans, a zip up hoodie and a v-neck shirt and I got cussed the fuck out by the person who was like the head nurse in charge. She told me I wasnt allowed to dress like that and all sorts of shit. I was embarrassed. She was yelling really passionately and loudly in front of EVERYONE. It was my day off and I stopped to ask about something or chit chat or something real quick on my break between classes. I stopped showing up there on my times off. The office started to feel like a war zone. I was uncomfortable. And bored. I strangely missed the crazy pace of retail. After the year I was unemployed for a while. Living with my crazy gma. Who was the crazy cat lady, along with my gpa so like the crazy cat couple. She was an alcoholic. Who was dirty. And unstable. I became house maid. Eventually lost my mind. And those 2 years in hell made me not like animals. Or old drunks. Moved to WI to say with my crazy ass mother. Started working again in retail. This place is interesting. But its because WI people are....different. My life feels sad to me sometimes. Especially when I think off all the friends I had. All the things I did. All the things I wanted to do by now. I just feel at 7 years later at 25 I havent dont shit. So my sister the lovable nutcase. No Im kidding shes more like a feral cat thrown in the middle of an icy cold pool. Anyway. She got bailed out. Its funny to me in a sad sort of way how my family is reacting to this. My mother hands down blames my gma and says its all her without really feeling the weight of her fuck ups. My gma Im sure is blaming it all on my mom with out putting her weight into this mess. They both play an equal part in this hot mess my sister has become. Hell I probably played a role in it as well. My gma is an abusive blames the whole world alcoholic and my mother does NOT know how to fucking parent. Like at all. The way my brothers are being raised irritate me sometimes. Gma and mom both have in common in parenting is a lot of the times they cant be bothered. And when shit gets real they get mad and dont know how to handle it. Then they blame everyone else or they throw a pity party of the oh woah is me type of shit. Its fucking annoying. No wonder my sister is fucked up. Hell we all are. I had this guest today tell me I was a really great cashier and that Im really good at my job. She was just amazed. And thrilled. And I love helping someone out and feeling all warm and fuzzy. I wanna learn origami. Just because. Also I quit smoking. Like 6/7 months ago. Sometime in Feb. Youd think Id keep better track of the progress. But nope. It almost feels like a different person sometimes. 7:56 pm - Saturday, Aug. 16, 2014 *********************************************************************************** |
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