Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** CoUnTdOwN DYSFUNCTION Countdown til my crazy ass dysfunctional fam should b comin...cnt wait it should b 'fun'...my mom told me to b nice n that me bein a hermit means i shouldnt continue to hate on em...yeah right like thats the reason why i dnt warm up to ppl...im quick to take n new friends...slow as hell to take n new fam...after u been fucked over so many times...its hard as hell to open up... 1:30 pm - Friday, Jun. 05, 2009 *********************************************************************************** Wrkin W/My Foodie Bitches Yes'day at wrk me, cupcake n irish kicked ass...n we wrked with kermit so it was a laugh ur ass off laid back sorta day...they put us n2 groups n for the mnth of june we're competein against each other...me n cupcake are on team oscar...along with gummy worm...uhh yay us...me n cupcake were like fuck why couldnt we have irish n b on team kermit...so yeah we laughed n we had fun... Oh n kermit showed me a pic of his wifes friends really BIG boobs...he was like now i dnt need a boob pic...n im like HOLY SHIT how big are those? N i guess theyre at least an 'E'...eh...which sucks cuz im a 'DDD'...which means 'E' is next...lets just say ill fuckin cry... Hmmm...oh we also tlked bout how i can get numbers n shit frm male customers cuz of my boobs...shiiiit a lil flirtin has never hurt n the wrld of retail...its help me keep my job on multiple times... 9:33 am - Wednesday, Jun. 03, 2009 *********************************************************************************** Random FUCKIN Meltdowns OMFG...me n my fam are fightin...again... Surprise...surprise... It probably started sun...i ran outta smokes n had a fuckin meltdown...most of which i will blame on nic withdrawal... N it pisses me off that im so fuckin dependent on these damn things...why did i have to pick that goddamn smoke up when i was 15... N it wasnt because i wanted to b 'cool'...which is what my mom thinks...that n that i hung w/the the 'wrong crowd'...which i did...but i dnt let ppl control how i wanna act...i do it on my own... So what would b my reasonin for this shit? I was curious...ppl kept sayin dnt smoke n its bad for u...n it kills ppl...n i wanted to know why so many ppl smoke... Yeah how fuckin warped is that...i remember too how n 6th grade n health n we all were bashin ppl who smoked n my teacher was like i kno u guys think its gross now but one out of every four will b a smoker...n everyone started to look round at everyone n i was lookin at everyone goin 'oh fuck can they tell im goin to b a smoker...' I was 12...3 yrs later i started...wtf... Anyway...ramblin...im always off topic... So on sun im havin a fuckin huge nic fit so im already fucked up...i also got my fam tlkin shit...which is what we do...normally it wouldnt bug me...but i feel myself start to cry... Oh fuck this is gonna be a loooooong day... So then i have a meltdown...n because i have a fuckin tribe of sibs...i cnt just have a meltdown...one by one we all have one... Seriously... So everyones flippin out...my fuckin brain hurts...n i just wanna b left alone... Anyway towards the end of that day i was feelin better...my mom gave me money n made me buy some squares... N that didnt sit well with me...like if i cnt go n afford my habit i need to stop n how FUCKED up is it that i have to bum this shit frm my mom...who DOESNT smoke n mind u she has to support the other kids...so we're now all broke as fuck... Then we have today...more flip outs n shit...n im so SICK of bein dogged out...SICK of havin my mother n my brother trash tlk me like im not there....like i cnt hear them...or like im fuckin 5... Im tired how they keep sayin im such a fuckin deadbeat n im so lame because i live at home n at wrk my hrs arent always straight cuz some wks i wrk 1 day n others ill get 3/4...or how im almost fuckin 20 n im not n school(mind u classes DNT fuckin start til aug) n i have no car... Like am i this HUGE loser n i never realized it before...wtf... How many times do i have to FUCKIN explain that IF i could find a better job id already have it...IF i had that better job id b moved out...IF i had that better job id have my own fuckin car... What motherfucker n there right goddamn mind would WANT to live n this FUCKIN zoo i call home??!!?? Oh n to top this shit all off...my mom n need of fam i guess is throwin this bbq on the wkend...so the freakin fam frm upnorth n everyother fuckin fam that we dnt really tlk to gets to come out... It drives me nuts because now we have to act all perfect n like we luv we other(which i know deep down we do)...n act like we're not some big hot ass dysfunctional mess... Honestly im so OVER this new fam shit...why would i need more when the ones i got already pick my ass apart? 12:41 am - Tuesday, Jun. 02, 2009 *********************************************************************************** |
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