Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** Au'sum Toys I had an awesome day at wrk...me n cupcake kicked ass...n we're considered the underdogs...well no more...WHOOHOO!!! Lmao...but im glad cuz i aint seen her n forever... N oscar actually was nice n thanked us...we almost fell over...n we also wrked with kermit... More dirty jokes...lmao...it was grrrreat... 10:22 pm - Thursday, May. 21, 2009 *********************************************************************************** R.I.P. Well on sat itll b the one yr anniversary of my friends death...which is crazy...and n all honesty i havent quite mourned him yet... I put all feelings n emotions dealin with him n a 'cardboard box' n shove it n the deepest darkest corner of my mind where all the other shit i dnt wanna think bout sits... N I think it helps...or at least thats what i tell myself...like itll b okay just dnt poke too deeply at those feelings... Instead I feel horrible because I wasnt there for him...he had cancer...n he lasted a yr after he found out n i knew he had it but i never went to vist him...at first it was because i was busy but as i became unbusy...i didnt want to see him cuz he was gettin worse... How selfish was i n what a horrible friend... But i didnt know what to say...i never know what to say when a friend of mine is n some sort of crisis...im more the type of friend who will rub ur back n give u hugs n help u by being there... N i wanted to b there...but then i didnt...what do i say to someone who has cancer? N not to mention to vist him id have to see n put up with his wife who basically hates me... N i really didnt want to deal with that... But i feel so horrible...n when i went to his funeral(which was a first for me)...I saw his body n he looked like a twig n i cried... I wish i knew exactly where he was buried(waaaaaay out n the stix) so i could vist him n say im srry... *Srry for never being there N 2 wks frm sat will b my uncles one yr anniversary as well...he also died of cancer n i didnt see him either... Fuck... 12:25 pm - Thursday, May. 21, 2009 *********************************************************************************** |
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