Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Au'sum Toys

I had an awesome day at wrk...me n cupcake kicked ass...n we're considered the underdogs...well no more...WHOOHOO!!!

Lmao...but im glad cuz i aint seen her n forever...

N oscar actually was nice n thanked us...we almost fell over...n we also wrked with kermit...

More dirty jokes...lmao...it was grrrreat...

10:22 pm - Thursday, May. 21, 2009

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R.I.P.

Well on sat itll b the one yr anniversary of my friends death...which is crazy...and n all honesty i havent quite mourned him yet...

I put all feelings n emotions dealin with him n a 'cardboard box' n shove it n the deepest darkest corner of my mind where all the other shit i dnt wanna think bout sits...

N I think it helps...or at least thats what i tell myself...like itll b okay just dnt poke too deeply at those feelings...

Instead I feel horrible because I wasnt there for him...he had cancer...n he lasted a yr after he found out n i knew he had it but i never went to vist him...at first it was because i was busy but as i became unbusy...i didnt want to see him cuz he was gettin worse...

How selfish was i n what a horrible friend...

But i didnt know what to say...i never know what to say when a friend of mine is n some sort of crisis...im more the type of friend who will rub ur back n give u hugs n help u by being there...

N i wanted to b there...but then i didnt...what do i say to someone who has cancer? N not to mention to vist him id have to see n put up with his wife who basically hates me...

N i really didnt want to deal with that...

But i feel so horrible...n when i went to his funeral(which was a first for me)...I saw his body n he looked like a twig n i cried...

I wish i knew exactly where he was buried(waaaaaay out n the stix) so i could vist him n say im srry...

*Srry for never being there
*Srry for not bein a friend
*Srry if u thought i didnt care

N 2 wks frm sat will b my uncles one yr anniversary as well...he also died of cancer n i didnt see him either...

Fuck...

12:25 pm - Thursday, May. 21, 2009

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