Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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Lonely Girl Battling Deflated Hopes

Lyrical Mood:

'I can remember the very first time I cried/How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside/All my memories good and bad thats past/...Constantly pushing the world I know aside/I dont even feel the pain, I dont even want to try/Im looking for a way to become/The person I dreamt of when I was sixteen/Oh nothing is ever enough/...Is life for you good or bad/I cant tell anymore...' -P!NK Lonely Girl

Ugh thats how I feel right now...my fam is drivin me up the fuckin wall right now...im tired of feeling like I should be ashamed of myself...i read my old journal just to remind myself how far ive came...but it seems like it doesnt matter n it isnt good enough...

11:14 pm - Saturday, May. 02, 2009

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Wretched Relationship(poem)

Im flexible to your needs
But if I bend anymore
Ill break
How worth while will I be
Broken in pieces
I cant keep my soul together
Its missing a lot
Has too many holes
Does it matter
You still treat me like yes'days trash
Guess theres no such thing as perfect love
Its fractured and way past ruined
Im full of so many questions
Wondering if youll ever grow up
Why I happen to be attracted to crazy
I hate the shallowness inside me
And how I put up with your shit
I cant deal with these insane moments
Your coated in jealousy
Covered in hatred
Long enough story
You dont worship me
But be damned if anyone else looks my way
Your not man enough to deal with my needs
We used to dream so big
But the flames dimming
Im blowing it out
And Im busting out your wretched mold
Fuck you
You cant handle what I am
What I stand for
And what I need
I put a stop to being ashamed
And defending who I am
Quit being greedy for my tears
Its over

11:43 pm - Wednesday, Apr. 29, 2009

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Fwds Fuckin Drunk Taco

I got another one of those fwds again...the first 2 halves are lame but the 3rd halve cracked me up...

Fwd:FWD:fwd:

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-agressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate

(okay those parts^ didnt crack me up just for the simple fact i cnt say half that shit fuckin sober...how could i judge a drunk?)

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Taco Bell? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good Evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have work in the morning.

Haha..okay that part cracked me up...seriously...taco bell is the SHIT...n when ur drunk u want a whole lot of it...i havent been there n a min but i LUV that place...lol...n my friends love the whole karaoke shit...i wnt do it cuz i get shy...i mean im game to do it at my friends house on theyre system cuz we're drunk n kickin it...but not n public...n the not my type one...well...i havent actually fucked anyone under the influence...but ive made out w/a shit ton n ran n2 them later on like the next day n i end up goin hmmmm...ive NEVER really liked u...lol...

But what really got me was the peeing one...it made me think of skittles n my gma...my gma is a crazy drunk...i luv her but hate the fact she made my life a fuckin hell...ive caught her so many times peeing out n public or she passed out n pissed on herself...which wasnt funny then...but now i laugh at it...cuz its the way we deal with shit n our fam...

Skittles one time DROVE to my fuckin house WASTED...she POURS out of the car n comes to me crying/laughing that she peed herself n that shes all wet...her bf at the time tells me that they tried to have her pee n his house but she peed ALL OVER the fuckin toliet seat AND then she had to go again so they parked at the side of the road...THEN the bitch loses her balance n FALLS n her own pee...which i find really funny now but at that time i was like WHY THE FUCK DID U LET HER DRIVE???...

*Sighs* Anyway...i normally dnt like fwds but that one made me think of all that crazy shit plus all the crazy/insane partying we did back n the day when we didnt give 2 shits...hell it was booze, weed n boys...

Parts of me miss it...but im glad i ditched those ppl n moved on...

Well...

Sometimes...

6:42 pm - Wednesday, Apr. 29, 2009

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons