Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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The Screaming Match Between An Ignorant Man And Myself

Im in Wisconsin...and Im so fuckin upset right now...I honestly hate my moms boyfriend, D. His ignorant ass...we got into it...I was shaking so bad...I almost cried...but I held it together til I was able to go downstairs...

He said:

* People who are molested/raped/"touched" are damaged goods

* And he kept having these weird under vibes that people who went through that wanted it

* People who are gay are damaged/fucked up/twisted

* Gay people can not believe in the God

* Gay people will go to hell

Then he kept going on and on that he dont judge and and he dont hate

I hate Christians

I told him how the hell can he walk around in this world as a black male and try to hate on other people

And I got sick of him yelling at me like Im ignorant and shit

Then I go downstairs in the basement to smoke and cry

I have been "touched" and I already feel dirty and damaged like it was my fault...and having some stranger throw this shit in my face...

I felt like shit.

And to hate gay people is wrong...my sister is gay...Ive always loved and supported gays...but since my sister came out...Im really protective...I dont want her to go through this shit her whole life...having ignorant people hate on her for something she didnt choose...and she likes D so if she was here when he went off like this she wouldve been pissed and hurt...

I told that man that he is on my shit list for ever...I dnt hold grudges...but he deserves it...

Im in the basement crying...my mom knows Im crying and instead of coming downstairs...she tells me to come to her cause she doesnt feel like going down some stairs...like seriously?!

I had all this in my head...and I wanted to tell her about skittles grad party and her dad...I havent told anyone that actually knows me...and I wanted too but when she said that...I knew it wasnt gonna happen...so I just swallowed back the feelings again...

I would like to say something...sometimes I feel like its too hard to keep it stuffed in me like that...

Fuck D for having all this shit come to surface...

10:29 pm - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2011

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The Quote I Felt

"This is an important lesson to remember when you're having a bad day, a bad month, or a shitty year. Things will change: you won't feel this way forever. Sometimes the hardest lessons to learn are the ones your soul needs most.

After all, you can't truly be happy if you've never known pain. You can't feel real joy unless you've felt heartache. You can't know what it's like to be filled unless you've been empty. You can't have a sense of victory unless you know what it means to fail. You can't know what its like to feel holy until you know what it's like to feel really fucking evil. And you can't be birthed again until you've died." ~Kelly Cutrone

12:01 pm - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2011

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My Fucked Up Fam Funny Moments (txt entry)

Sis: If I had a child with a disability, I would sell it for crack.

Me: Lmfao...thats fucked up...and mom didnt sell ur lil ass...where'd u come up with that?

Sis: I dont have a dissability. & I was just thinking about it, cuz I was watching SpongeBob & his voice reminded me of a retarts. So I just thought I would share that.

Me: Wtf...ur train of thought is fuckin weird duckie...spongebob is mentally slow though...n yes u have a disability...hate to break it to you sweetie...

Sis: Hey, asshole. I dont have a dissability. If I did, I would be hitting my head against that wall riiight there. & There would be druel on my shirt.

Me: I cnt see u...so there probably is drool and u dnt have 2 bang ur head n2 a wall to be mentally handicap...just a sayin...

Sis: I only druel on my sleep.

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Sis: How do you pay yur cellphone bill without a job? Do you sell drugs? Or do you get tricked out every other day?

Me: Ur a funny lil bitch...hah!

Sis: I wasnt tryin to be funny. I'm serious.

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When my gma gets drunk (and she has been lately) she chases her cats around the house calling them fuckin lil bitches...

To me that is what makes a great cat lady...

And that scares me.

I hope to God when I get old I have grand kids or great grand kids to chase around calling them fuckin lil bitches...

2:32 pm - Monday, Jan. 17, 2011

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons