Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** Freedom Sorta Kinda Soon
My mom is a nutcase but that fact has been well documented. Im excited that I will be free of her within a few short months. It is time that we broke up. Ill be moving back to MI and back to my gmas house. Though my Gparents are also nuts (also well documented) they are my only connect back in MI. My plan is to move back and save up and buy a car and hopefully by Dec be out officially and on my own. Im thinking the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. I. Cannot. Fucking. Wait. My mother is all over the place. And she keeps freezing me out and acting extremely bitchy. Its gotten to the point where I cannot handle her emotional rollercoaster anymore. Seriously Im just drained just thinking of dealing with her. Shes been acting weird towards me for weeks. We've been out of sync for a while and its almost like she resents me or dislikes me or something. She applied to this job in FL. Shes been trying to get with this company for a year. She got an interview back in Dec. Woot woot everyones all excited. I was googling houses keeping everything within her budget. I was looking at incomes. And commutes from her job and my younger brothers schools. I mapped this bullshit out. She started acting weird though. Sometimes she would make these little comments and I felt like she didn't want me down there with her. But then its like she would change her mind and want me down there (which honestly its not like she WANTS me there but she NEEDS me). Anyway. Things come to head not that long ago. Shes barely talking to me. Apparently bashing me to Seventeen (23? 24? Eh, fuck it) and then making these comments like she doesnt want me there. Then shes making comments like if I was a better sister I would go back to MI and get a house with Thirteen (19. pregnant/crazy/semi lesbian sister). And how I could hang out with Gma and all that bullshit. Hmmm...I feel like Im dragging this out. Basically. I dont want to live with my sister and Im not going to to. There is a reason why I DONT have kids. I dont want them at this stage in life. Mom kept trying to push Thirteen/her baby on to me because she didnt want to be bothered. No one told this crazy woman to have 6 fucking kids. She basically doesnt want us. If she had her way she would probably not have kids so that she can continue to fuck a bunch of random dudes. This woman has taken advantage of me for years. I remember when we used to live in MI years ago I was working TWO jobs and going to school full time. I used to have checks sent to the house cause it wasnt that big of me to walk to the bank. She used to open my mail and KNOW EXACTLY how much I had so that she could spend it. And she would. But then turn around and say how shes got a deadbeat ass child and how come I cant save money and move the fuck out now. Or when she told me I could have her car after I paid for the plates and insurance only for her to "borrow" the car and never give it back. And when I said something she cussed me out and basically accused me of being a bum bitch. Or when she swore up and down that she would pay for her phone and for my one brother if I just added their lines to my bill cause it would be cheaper and no one paid. Instead she waited until the phones got shut off and bought herself a cell phone and got one for my brother but told me I shouldve handled my own business. Or when she just NEEDED my name for DTE because it was cheaper and she needed to take care of the kids. Only to let that default and cuss me out for bringing it up to her because she felt she didnt need to pay shit. She was always the victim. Never wrong. I was always the deadbeat. The child she wished she never had. I cant even explain how this has fucked up my self esteem. It took me YEARS to realize Im NOT crazy. Anyway. Me and Seventeen talked about it. He says its about time I jumped ship cause being me is a thankless job. #TrueDat. He also agreed that mom was a bum that likes to fuck bum ass dudes and he says he has no respect for her at all. His theory is that as a white girl she wanted to rebel so when she was younger she fucked a few drug dealers (his dad. my dad. their dad.) and then started having kids. He says its fucked up the way she treats us and how she talks down to us and hes also done with her BS. Seventeen handles it better though for one. She listens to him. Hes her favorite. Two hes better with hsi emotions with her. He could give a fuck how people are and stuff like that whereas Im way too emotional and my feelings get hurt. He even agreed that Boomerang was a bum but he'll act nice to him because of mom. His thing is he thought/thinks mom is pathetic for being with a man who treats her like shit but he realized something is broken in mom so there wasnt a point of beefing with Boomerang because she'd replace him with someone else. The point of all this? The house is slightly uncomfortable but I will be FREE soon. Im so fucking excited. I cannot wait until my ducks line up and Im on my own. I have no idea who I am outside of this family. Ive always been the ATM/babysitter/cook/housekeep/teacher/therapist that I dont know anything outside of those definitions. 6:43 pm - Thursday, Feb. 04, 2016 *********************************************************************************** |
||||||
|
||||||