Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** Quotes With A Side Of Bitching
I could bitch about my mom (for like the millionth time). How Ive noticed the subtle but not so subtle ways shes embarrassed to be around me in public. How exhausting it can be to pretend I dont care or act like I am unaffected when she denies my existence to others. Im taking this as a sign that we are over. This relationship couldnt be saved. I long for freedom and so does she. I could mention how I wrote (quite a few times) that my gma was this vile bitch. Buuuuut Im over it. After her visit I am no longer beefing with my gma. We've moved forward and I miss her. She also said my feelings about mom were valid since she thinks its super shitty that mom denies me as her daughter because shes always wanted a sister. She also defended me when mom threw me under the bus and claimed I was essentially this deadbeat that wont leave. Gma calmly pointed out that I homeschool Bub (8) so that ties up a lot of my time. I cook, clean and keep the household running. I have a part time job and I just finished my degree. Gma said she wished she had a wife. Mom said she wished she had a husband. She then ignored me and got pissy with me for the rest of the day. I told gma I get tired of competing with her. Gma told me Im allowed to come back and that her and gpa would have no issues with me crashing there while I got back on my feet in MI. I could go into details about how my lesbian sister who is 19 is pregnant and currently chilling in jail for violating her parole. The reason why shes even on parole is because she came home a year ago and found her girlfriend fucking a guy and punched her. But this whole ordeal doesnt seem real and makes my eyelid twitch. Honestly I came on here to post these quotes because they spoke to me: "you deserve to be in spaces and relationships that make you happy; that feed your soul and help you grow. you are worthy of connections that are loving, nourishing and genuine. before you settle for anything less than, remind yourself that the places you visit and people you journey with through life should make you feel safe, loved and enough." -Alex Elle "start ignoring people who threaten your joy. literally, ignore them. say nothing. don't invite any parts of them into your space." -Alex Elle 10:10 pm - Wednesday, Oct. 21, 2015 *********************************************************************************** Gma Came To Visit
She came via train on Tuesday. We haven't mentioned the fight that caused us to split apart. It felt good to see her again. It felt right in a way. Me and Gma get along in a way that me and mom never will. Gma comes Tuesday. We get her from the train station. Mom tried to stop at garrets for popcorn for Boomerang. We never did. God did that man whine and bitch so fucking much about it later that day. When Boomerang left the living room with Mom Gma leaned over and was like I don't like him. Then I guess when gma went outside to smoke Boomerang went out there as well and was basically tattling to Gma about mom. Gma apparently at one point was like fuck your popcorn. Haha. Wednesday. Seventeen (23) came over. It felt nice to see him again. I know gma felt the same. Mom was at work and when she got home she was annoyed to see Seventeen and he was like you're having surgery on Thursday so truce. Mind you Seventeen stopped talking to mom because she chose to date Boomerang but mom was telling Gma that she was the one to stop talking to Seventeen and how dare he call her inferior. Wednesday we went to the hospital so mom could get this plug thing inserted into her cervix in preparation for her surgery on Thursday. Gma wanted to hit craft stores later. Before we left the house mom didn't like my hair and she didn't like my outfit. I was wearing a hoodie and jeans and my hair was wild and curly. This is my normal wear. Now she doesn't want me to go in the office because its professional and I'm not. Gma was like Phayth is fine. The craft stores was interesting. Some of the time it was nice. Other times mom was so annoyed? Angry? She was arguing with everyone I swear. Gma kept making jokes like dont blow you're plug. Is it bigger than a bread box? The biggest you've ever had? I was dying. Thursday. Mom gets surgery. Seventeen and Gma take her. Boomerang meets them there because he doesn't want to drive everyone. I guess when Boomerang got there he brought McDs and didn't offer anything to anyone. Barely talked to them. Mom gets surgery. Went nicely. Removes tumor but it wasn't cancer. Gma and Seventeen leave mom to Boomerang. Boomerang was tasked to bring mom home. Gma and Seventeen get back. We get ready to leave. We were going to walk down the street for food. Mom calls. Boomerang ditched her. Its Saturday and we still haven't seen him. Gma was like this fucking asshole. We go get her. Mom is angry. Trip is awkward. We tuck her angry ass in and leave. Seventeen leaves later that day. It was nice hanging out regardless. Friday. We run around town going to "junk stores" as gma calls them. Goodwill and things like that. Went out to eat. Came home and hung out. We crafted. Mom kept getting offended. Gmas got dry humor. Mom kept trying to poke at me. I laugh at myself so I don't care. Like when I was looking for cream of tar tar. I pronounced it tar tar instead of tarter. Sue me. I sound shit out like hooked on phonics. Anyway the point I guess is mom is mad at me. Between today and yesterday she's been competing with me with Gma. Like she would do things or change stories to get points with Gma. Gma has a sharp tongue and we joke around a lot. Mom is fucking sensitive. So some of the things me and Gma said would offend her. So she would try to hit back but it wasn't a big deal. Like I said we'd laugh. I don't know how to explain it but mom keeps bitching about me to gma but she would also change the story. Then she'd get irritated when gma would defend me. Ugh. We have people here and I'm on my phone so its hard to explain myself. But I'm glad I saw gma and mom is not speaking to me at all. She's playing victim. 12:04 pm - Saturday, Oct. 03, 2015 *********************************************************************************** |
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