Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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That Old Southern Charm

We have people over. The one guy we'll call him Southern Charm is actually Bub's (8) dad. Him and my mom known each other for years. This man cracks me up. I'm at the computer doing homework (I will dedicate a post of me bitching about how my damn brain hurts at a later time) and he starts giving me nuggets of wisdom.

He made a comment about how Ive been on my computer since Ive been home. Told him I had homework. He asked me when Ill be done with my degree. I told him the end of June. He goes no shit? Sounding like hes surprised and strangely proud at the same time. Then he goes you need to find a good job. Well Im not sure what Im doing. What you mean you dont know what you doing? Get a good job. Youre degree done. Yeah but I want to take a year off and then get my masters. Go on that computer of yours and get a good job. Take the year off and go to school. After your masters go back on that computer and get a better job. Eventually get a career. Good advice. Then get you a husband. I laughed. What? I dont need one of those. How you know? Well I dont know. How old are you? 25. Whens your birthday? The end of June. When? The 28th. I'll be 26. You a cancer aint you? I laughed. Yes. Then you need a husband and some babies. Then he walked out the kitchen because he finished making his sandwich.

Yesterday he was giving me all sorts of sayings that he said would help me in life and impress my teachers. One of them was "Dont trust a pig in a sack". What? You know those salesmen? That come to your door girl and sell you stuff? Well you need to see the goods. You cant trust a man with a pig in the sack! I laugh. Why the hell is there a pig in a sack? Exactly!

Another one was a coon that shits fast dont shit long. He said thats how he won money playing golf cause the guys started off strong but pretty much petered out. I laughed my ass no lie. This man is animated. He calls himself an old country fool full of humor.

My mom was like marry me and Southern Charm gave her the curve and told her to get her shit together.

The shit that was coming out of his mouth made me giggle and laugh for hours yesterday. I'm glad he came. So is my mom she needed a piece of home (MI). Hell we all did.

10:38 pm - Sunday, May. 24, 2015

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Past Fuck Ups - Future Lessons