Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire

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RaNdOm

ugh...its fuckin late...my eyes are burning...seriously...

so why am i up?

Well i was tryin to go to bed...then my moms ex tried to send me a pic and shit...

riiiight...

totally weird and creepy...

i wouldnt look at it...after he tried to send it to me a second time i got my mom and told her to open it...

but it was all dark and u couldnt see shit...

which i find a bit of a blessin...

anyway...hmmm...i have nothin serious to report or anythin...

theres some shit thats goin on at my job that concerns me...

but idk what to do bout it right now...

12:57 am - Tuesday, Feb. 24, 2009

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I wanna color

I want a coloring book...

(really badly)

And Imma need some new crayons...the good crayola kind...not that cheap dollar store shit...not everyone notices the difference...which is weird cuz crayola crayons you can actually color shit with...the others dnt wrk...

anyway...

Im babysitting...my fam is out watchin my sis at her basketball game...and my bro brought his gf...

also i guess this fri Grn M&M wants everyone to go out to eat and celebrate her bday...

Not sure if I wanna go...and she kept wantin to kno if I wanna go...Im like if I have any money...

honestly Im not quite sure if I wanna...

and then peaches was all like u wanna hang sat...she'll have peanut butter and ppl and shit...

hmmm not sure if i wanna hang w/them either...

idk i just have a lot of shit to figure out...*sighs*

and im tired of the whole catty shit a bunch of females can do...

so I decided I wanna color...haha

5:02 pm - Monday, Feb. 23, 2009

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Ugh

ummm okay...

wrks been wrk...i actually have 3 days this wk...but two of those days is cuz peaches called n sick...which i feel bad that shes sick...but a tiny twisted part of me is kinda happy cuz i gained xtra hours...

riiiight i kno totally fucked up...

the last time i wrked irish gave me a ride home...shes pretty cool...and shes also the first person i named here that isnt named after a food...haha...

yes'day i wlked forever for nothin i guess....well it had a purpose but it went to waste and that is cuz of the school im tryin to get n2...theyre like flippin out cuz they need my moms w-2s...which she doesnt have but i gave them her tax info...guess it wasnt good enough...even though the tax form i gave them has the SAME info as the w-2...

anyway they claim its fasfa makin these guidelines...so when my mom called fasfa they said it wasnt them its the school...that you only need the tax form OR the w-2...

so when my mom called back the school they said fasfa was lyin...

*sighs* wtf...seriously...people all i wanna do is go to school...i have a plan and shit...

well i should say had a plan cuz now its not gonna wrk...

i kno its horrible of me to wait fuckin last min to shit...but thats what im doin...cuz ill b 20 soon and that shit scares the fuck outta me cuz when i was 15 i had my shit planned and by 20 ALL my fuckin ducks were posed to b n a row...

but thru weird and crazy events my life didnt go how i planned and ill b the bigger person and take the fall for that...it just sucks cuz i was finally gonna fix everything and do what i needed to do and my school had to b a motherfuckin ass bout sum stupid shit...

ugh...fuck...

12:32 pm - Friday, Feb. 20, 2009

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Skittles Fuckin Paper & my new house

hi...havent written in awhile...its fuckin late and my brain feels fucked...im wrkin on this 6 page paper for my bff skittles...

yes we r no longer broken up...we hung out that fri and she was quite offended that i said we broke up...she thought it was nother spat...

i moved again...no longer at my pretty house...im at this weird brown house...i can honestly say i wanted to tear up when i moved...i miss the old house...it was home...this new one is not...its weird that i was attached...just cuz i move round alot...

i havent really been doin much...havent been wrkin a whole lot...we're out of season and im bein fucked on my hrs...i wanna leave my job...i miss how i used to luv comin to wrk...i miss how shit was...all my ppl there and we laughed and joked round...idk...*sighs*...its just not the same...

umm lets see what else...ive fianlly decided to get my shit together...snaps for phayth...lol...its bout damn time...cnt live in the past...cnt change it...doesnt help wishin bout shit...one step in front of the other...towards the future...

havnt really been hangin w/peaches...nfact i blow off peaches and peanutbutter so often they dnt ask me to hang anymore...

i should feel sad...

but i can honestly say i dnt...which sounds cruel...but i cnt help it...w/all my friends i kinda cycle thru them...sumtimes i hang all the time w/them...then i go thru this phase where i dnt wanna b bothered...but thats usually when im tired of theyre bullshit...

speakin of tirin bs...

grn m&m is gettin on my nerves...cnt really tlk to her bout shit...i try and she changes the subject...and she claims she hates when ppl do it to her...sooo does she not realize it...

or must she be the center of attention?

and gummy worm sorta hooked up w/sourpatch...

then she fucked her ex...

who happens to b an ass...why would u date anyone who would tell u he cnt trust u...thinks ur a whore...wnt date u...

ummm yeah...idk either...

so for awhile sourpatch stopped tlkin to her...but i guess they wrked shit out cuz accordin to her they were smilin and flirtin w/each other at wrk...

riiiiight...

she doesnt want sourpatch she wants her ex...sourpatch thinks n the future theyll have a chance...she doesnt really want him and then get pissed at him cuz he sees a future...

can u blame him? shes full of mixed signals...

I told her she reminded me of peanutbutter and twizzler...

idk im just fuckin sick of givin her advice when she doesnt listen...and im fuckin sick of hearin bout her ex...

my mom said she had a dream...that when she died she saw a bunch of brown faces at her funeral...her children and grandchildren and ect....she says she was proud of her fam and no one would think that a white person started this sea of brown...she feels that mayb this is what she was posed to do w/her life...

i thought it was really sweet and pretty cool...

2:11 am - Tuesday, Feb. 10, 2009

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Peaches Parties & the rest of my foodie friends

okaaaay....havent said shit n awhile...

Lately ive been hanging w/peaches(female, cowrker) alot...

In fact ive been at her house more this past week then at mine...

she throws theses parties every two wks i swear...which is cool and all but damn! i dnt party like that...

Its gotten to the point where im no longer a hermet...ive been socializing...but i dnt think my personality can handle all this...i need time to b by myself and regroup...

but its like everything is goin really fast and i cnt control it...

bsides ive been avoidin home cuz shit is crazy and me and my fam r fightin(of course!!)

and i also broke up w/my best friend on fri...which totally blows cuz i miss her...but i felt like she wasnt there for me...and i started to cry at wrk and shit...but she claims i was never there for her just for my cowrkers...

I dnt think thats true at all but w/e...we're gonna hang this fri and try to wrk shit out...like i said i miss her...shes like my second half...but all this bs got my guard up and im not sure what to do...

*sighs*

Ive also been fightin w/sourpatch(male,cowrker) like crazy...cuz he totally did sum shit at wrk...well he ran his damn mouth and that lead to a few mangers to doubt me...the worst part is i never did it...ugh

sourpatch is w/gummy worm(female, cowrker)....she just broke up w/her bf and shit...i think shes nuts tryin to hook up w/anyone so close after her break up...she was w/this guy for 4 yrs...

riiiiight...

sourpatch i guess ran n2 twizzlers a few wks back...theyre posed to hang and shit...see if that ever happens...the last time i saw twizzlers was n aug. which is fine...but im a bit mad at him just cuz he hurt my feelings...hello? thought we was friends and then he disappeared...wtf...w/e...

Grn M&M is a good friend...we're tight now...and shes no longer w/starburst...which is good...she found herself a new man and frm what i hear hes a good one...

*sighs*

idk what else to say...shit is weird...but hopefully they wrk themselves out...i have to get my car this tax season and im xcited! lol...and my mom is movin n feb...so dnt kno where ill go but as long as i have my wheels...i dnt care...

also on fri i wanna apply to this job and i hope i get it...i really wanna wrk here and i need a second job...

and fuckin retail sucks...we're n 'return season' and ppl have been PISSED cuz shit they wanna return they cnt...

Why wnt u save ur fuckin recipeit(? thats a funny wrd)

4:21 pm - Thursday, Jan. 01, 2009

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mini UPDATE

ummm okay....i did move back to my house....toys is goin fine...been chillin...me and ex roomie r still good....she still comes to me and bitches and vents...kinda weird...ummm...went to the movies...thats basically it...

4:30 pm - Sunday, Oct. 26, 2008

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