Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** FuCk! It think its safe to say my gma is no longer a 'recovering' alcoholic...shes pretty much drunk everyday...yeah fuck my life :( 5:15 pm - Monday, Sept. 20, 2010 *********************************************************************************** Just Some Shit So Im spinnin back to my depression...jeez oh peetz... It was great havin my mom and my sibs here...and it sucks that everyones gone...leaves a huge void... It was great because we all acted normal...I wish we could stay on that instead of some bullshit all the damn time... My mom acted like a normal mom...and it made me miss my mom...and because of this this is why I end up buyin into her bullshit...cause I forgive her for fuckin me over...but then not even a wk goes by and Im fucked over again... I cried when they left...17(18) gave me the biggest hug...which surprised me...mister gangsta man...I let go of him before he did...and my sis 13(14) was sobbin...she didnt wanna go... Bub(3) the three yr old...was just too cute...mom tried to wake him up...but it was like 4am so he didnt wanna get up...so she starts strippin him to change his clothes and he woke up *PISSED* as hell...mom was all like at least I know he wnt let kno one touch his no no spot...hahah....and I gave him his lil hot wheels cars in a baggie(hes obsessed) and he goes 'oh! cnt forget my lambo' lol...he is the only 3 yr old I kno that knows what a fuckin Lamborghini is... But now I feel lost...like Im just driftin and not quite sure what to do...with my life and what not...it sucks... And my gma has been a lil grumpy lately...she didnt want 13(14) to leave...and I said I missed them...and she was like u got what u wanted... Well jeez... Yeah I wanted them to go with their mom...and she may not be the best but she is their mom...doesnt mean I dnt miss them... *sighs* I just dnt kno anymore... On the flip side though: * Im thinkin of movin to New Mexico...its out west...differ culture...seems nice * Felt really popular at school on thurs...kept runnin into ppl frm the past...and bullshitted with some new ppl... * Feelin strangely empowered in clay...instead of like wtf...Im focused...downside the teach is on my ass cause I missed ONE fuckin day of school...she acts like I never show up or some shit...and Im tired of hearin how clay needs to be taken seriously...its fuckin clay... * I keep runnin into that married maintenance guy at wrk...when he sees me he pretty much stops what hes doin and bullshits with me...he smells good...but no crush kinda feelings...I feel like we dnt have a whole lot to tlk bout and Im tired of him tellin me to get a job or go back to toys...yeah fuckin right... * Also just discovered I keep givin my brother the wrong age...I call him 17 cause thats how old he was when he started to get mentioned...but I keep addin that hes 19...he will be but hes not...Im fuckin nuts with this numbered shit...smh 8:35 pm - Sunday, Sept. 19, 2010 *********************************************************************************** Gma Moments Gma: 'Birdman feet? Couldnt he have come up with a better name? At least Im Candy Rapper' 17(18): 'Birdman feet? Its birdman featurin...' *laughs* Gma: 'Oh! I was like that is gotta be the stupidest stage name.' --------- Gma: 'I need to get a booty bump panties. If Im gonna be a rapper I need an ass so I can shake it. We're goin on the road together.' ^^ tlkin bout how her and my brother 17(18) need to go on stage and tour together...she also told him if he couldnt get his shit together...she'd be the main rapper and he'd be her back up bitch...lmao... 12:13 am - Sunday, Sept. 19, 2010 *********************************************************************************** |
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