Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** Sleep Ive been sleepin...alot...and my gparents seem a bit pissed by it...which is understandable, not only am I a deadbeat...but Im the deadbeat thats sleepin all the damn time... And my only reasonin for it...is Im depressed...how do I explain that to my gparents? Explain to them that Im a failure and a really big burden on them and I hate myself for that? *sigh* 9:05 pm - Friday, Aug. 27, 2010 *********************************************************************************** School Doubts & Road Trip Wishes Soooooo...the first day of school is tomorrow...and Im nervous...like always...I have a habit of psyching myself out...like: What if I dnt make any class buddies? What if I sit in the back by myself like the weird smelly kid? And that thought is just super depressin cause Im the miss-molly-sunshine-on-crack who smells damned good...lol... Okay I will admit Im really shy til I get to kno u...or feel comfortable... What if I hate my teacher? (Flashback to winter semester eng teach *shudders*) What if I dnt get the damned seat I want? Yeah I kno these thoughts sound damned stupid...buuuuuut...they and others pop up...and I get all nervous...I dnt usually relax and have fun until like a mnth after school started...which probably makes me weird...but whatever... Actually I wanna move...my job at the school didnt go through...since I already wrked there...I just assumed Id be guaranteed a job back...well fuck me...that was stupid as hell to assume... And with no job...I cnt help out my gparents...and I cnt pay for gas to go back and forth...and I feel like such a huge burden...and a fuckin deadbeat...they dnt complain...but still...I cnt help them and it sucks...*sigh* I actually just wanna get up and move...if only I had a car...theres nothin really holdin me back...theres no job...school can be transferred...and I have like a handful of friends that I dnt see all too often... If I actually had a 'normal' and 'caring' mother...I could move outta state to where shes at...move in with her for a few mnths...til schools transferred...and I get a job and/or a car...and Id be on my merry lil way... *sigh* This would be a good time to have a few friends to go roadtrippin and settle down somewhere else...hell we're only young once... 8:48 pm - Monday, Aug. 23, 2010 *********************************************************************************** Just My Shit That Needs To Be Vented Bought books today...woot woot!!! School starts next wk...and I normally love school but lately Im just feelin like Im over it...mayb cause my school is fuckin my shit up...hell maybe Ill go and find me a new school...lol... The kiddies are gone...and the first night goin to bed without the lil one was weird...part of me was like yes!! I finally have my damn bed...and the other part is depressed...I looked after them for 2 mnths and now their gone :( My mother is a nutcase like we all know...crazy bitch...17(18) wanted his clothes outta storage...cause all he gots is like 3 outfits...cause when we put the shit in storage mom was only sposed to be gone for 2/3 wks...not 2 mnths...and he was sposed to go with her...but now shes flippin a fuckin lid and says she aint got no rm for him...(but I guess rm for me cause she will NOT stop naggin me bout livin with her...bitch please)...anyway all he asked for was since I aint goin with u...can u just drop off my gear...she spent all day yes'day gettin her shit outta storage...u would THINK she would bring his stuff...does she? Nope...and since she left at the crack of dawn...her ass is now in nother state...like wow...mom just ho'd u out... Fuckin nutcase mother... 12:09 pm - Saturday, Aug. 21, 2010 *********************************************************************************** |
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