Trying To Put Out My Dumpster Fire *********************************************************************************** Road to Redemption and Forgiveness...(txt entry) (MI)
Mom: Is this Seventeen (20)? Phayth: Lol...nope. Its phayth. Since I hang out with him alot I tend to pick up some of his phrases. Mom: Lol...I thought, wait...phayth doesn't talk like that! Ha! Phayth: Haha! I know. Seventeen is always like u sound so weird saying slang and shit like that. Knock it off. Haha. Mom: Lol...I was thinking the same! That sounded funny coming from u. Phayth: I dont know how u did it... raising us all and holdin down a household. In my Soc class we have to do budgets for our pretend families. Its me my partner and our 2 small kids. My imaginary fam was stressin me out for the poverty level budget! We couldnt have cable or internet or any of that stuff. Then in the middle class budget I thought I could ball uncontrollably because we made more...but nope. Once again strict budget. Like dude this is crazy. So good job :) Mom: Awww...thanks, honesty. I had help. This is why I'm thankful to God because it couldve been worse for us. Phayth: Oh my goodness it couldve been! I could barely afford food. And in middle class i thought i could get more food but i had debt and everything else that I needed to budget for. So last night I was like woah how the hell did she do this?! Mom: U said ur partner....lol...did u want to share something with me? Ha! Mom: This, our family, is a team effort. We all pitch in and help to get us to the goal of trying to get to a level where we're ok. :) Phayth: Lmao! No in the class its gender neutral so thats how its always referred. So thats what I used. Haha! Nope not gay at all. Phayth: Thats true. We all try our bestest :) Mom: I did it by the grace of God. It wasn't easy, and sometimes, it was far from pretty. But in spite of it all, we got through. And if nothing else, u all will have some stories to share with my grandbabies, some day. :) Phayth: Lol...oh yeah we do. We view life as an adventure. Weve had good times and bad. But weve always laughed through it because of our personality quirks. Mom: Absolutely! That's where that comes from...all of the the struggle shaped ur beings. Ur personalities came out of that in-tact, for the most prt. I'm proud of all of u. I think its incredible, the strength u all have and the humor!!! I envy that. Mom: U all were able to laugh and it helped me keep going. U all have every right to b angry but for the most part, u have a can-do personality. Phayth: Haha you shouldnt envy...you got quirks too. Where the hell you think we got it from?! If you didnt have any funny quirks or a different parent I dont think we'd all be as funny and carefree as we are. :) Mom: Lol...that's so true. Thanks for always being so encouraging and loving me when at times, I didn't know how to love back. I love u, phayth. <3 Phayth: Awww your welcome *hugs* my thinkin is I could hold a grudge and continue this "family curse" but itd be way better if I just helped us all break the cycle. Even though u were crazy like a fruitcake at times there are a lot of memories of u being funny and so cool. I believe u had ur own demons to fight and figure how to love urself b4 u let us in. It was a long and trying road but I believe u grew up with ur kids. Mom: That makes me want to cry...but I can't cause I'm at work! Lol...ur the best. And I mean that. And ur right...I didn't know how to love and I didn't know how to let u all in. I knew I could and there were times I did. But those demons would snatch me. No excuses. And I'm with u, this cycle has to stop. Mom: I do feel capable of loving now. And I acknowledge in getting here, I've stolen from you all. I hugely regret that and try my best to show u a better way now. Phayth: Dont cry *big squeezy hug* its fine. And you did fine. Not like were all scarred or anything. We are all proud of u and love u. :) you keep living in the past and beatin urself up. Dnt. Were all optimists :) Mom: Lol...I kind of do. Now that I feel "normal" I look back on the old me in shock. Like, was that really me?! Phayth: Lol...it happens to the best of us. Hell we all look back at our behavior like woah we werent helpin the situation at all. Thats why its called growin up. Mom: Ur sweet, honey. I really enjoyed our conversation today. *hugs* 1:37 pm - Tuesday, Jun. 05, 2012 *********************************************************************************** |
||||||
|
||||||